“I have been crucified with Christ; and I no longer live, but Christ liveth in me.[Gal. 2:20] Well, have I now? It is a difficult question to answer truthfully for I have a long way to go to reach St. Paul’s description. Every day seems to be a battle, or I can chose to lay my sword down and sit back and enjoy my fleshy sinfulness. I always have to remind myself of the cross, day after day! Listen to these excerpts from St. Theophan the Recluse:
“Although everyone bears his cross reluctantly—and for the most part crosses are not simple but complex—not everyone looks at his cross through Christ’s Cross. Not everyone turns it into a mechanism for his salvation. Therefore, not everyone’s cross is a salvific cross. Let us take a look at all the possible crosses and see how one ought to bear each of them, that they might be a force unto salvation.
There are many crosses, but there are three kinds: The first kind are outward crosses, consisting of sorrows and misfortunes and, in general, of the bitter lot of our earthly sojourn. The second kind are inward crosses, which arise from the struggle against the passions and lusts, for the sake of acquiring the virtues. The third kind are spiritual, grace-filled crosses, which are laid upon us through absolute devotion to God’s will.”
“If you want these crosses to be unto your salvation, make use of them in accordance with God’s intention when He appointed them to mankind in general, and to you in particular. Why did the Lord arrange that on earth no one would be without afflictions and bur- dens? So that man would not forget that he is an exile, and so that he would live on earth, not as someone in his own land, but as a stranger and a foreigner in a foreign land, and might seek his return to his true homeland. As soon as man sinned, he was cast out of paradise, and outside of paradise was surrounded by sorrows and dep-rivations, and every kind of discomfort, that he might remember that he is not in his own place but is under punishment, and that he might take care to seek pardon and a return to his own rank.
So, seeing afflictions, unhappiness, and tears, don’t be surprised— endure them and don’t be annoyed. That is how it must be. It does not befit someone who is a criminal and disobedient man to have total prosperity and happiness. Take this to heart and bear your lot with e-qua-nimity.
But why, you will say, do I have more, and someone else has less? Why do misfortunes burden me, while someone else has good fortune in al- most everything? Why am I torn up over sorrows, while someone else is consoled? If this is the common lot, it would be dispensed to everyone without exception. And, in fact, it is so dispensed. Take a look and you’ll see. Today it’s hard for you, while for someone else it was hard yesterday or will be hard tomorrow, while now the Lord is permitting him to have a rest. Why are you looking at hours and days? Look at someone’s whole life, from beginning to end, and you’ll see that everyone has it hard, and very hard. Will you find anyone who rejoices his whole life? Even kings often can’t sleep at night from anguish of heart. You have it hard now, but haven’t you seen happy days before? And, may God grant it, you’ll see more of them. Be patient! The skies above you will clear. In life, as in nature, there are both bright and gloomy days. Has there ever been a time when a storm cloud didn’t pass? And has there ever been anyone in the world that thought it wouldn’t? Don’t think that way about your own grief either, and you’ll rejoice in hope. “
“Misfortune and sorrow have befallen. You’re bearing a cross. Make it so that this bearing will be unto salvation, and not unto perdition. For this it’s required not to move mountains, but to make small chang- es in the thoughts of your mind and the dispositions of your heart. Arouse gratitude within yourself, humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, repent, and correct your life. If faith in God’s direction of all things has left you, return it to your bosom, and kiss the right hand of God. If the connection of your sorrow to your sins is hid- den from you, sharpen the eye of your conscience, and you’ll see and mourn over your sin and moisten the dryness of your sorrow with tears of repentance. If you’ve forgotten that the bitterness of your earthly lot redeems you from the bitterest eternal fate, revive your recollection of this and to your e-qua-nimity add the desire for sorrows, so that for the small sorrows endured here, eternal mercy from the Lord will meet you. Is all this very difficult? Yet such thoughts and feelings are the threads by which our cross is connected to Christ’s Cross, from which flows salvific power for us. Without them the cross remains upon us and weighs us down, but has no salvific qualities, being separated from Christ’s Cross. Then we’re not saved cross-bearers, and cannot glory in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
St. Theophan then describes the second type of cross: “Inward crosses are encountered by us during the struggle against the passions and lusts. The holy Apostle Paul says: They that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts (Gal. 5:24). Cruci- fied? That means that there is a cross upon which these passions and lusts are crucified. What kind of cross is this? It’s the struggle against them. To crucify the passions means to weaken them, suppress them, and uproot them. If a man fights against a certain passion a few times, he weakens it; if he fights a little more, he suppresses it; if he keeps fighting, he will totally uproot it, with God’s help. As this is a difficult, sorrowful, and painful struggle, it’s truly a cross, raised up within us. When someone is fighting against the passions, sometimes it seems as if his hands are nailed, as if he’s wearing a crown of thorns on his head, as if his living heart is pierced. That is how heavy and painful it can be for him.”
“It yet remains to explain to you the third form of the cross that is salvific for us: the cross of devotion to the will of God. I’ll tell you a word or two about it, because a complete teaching about it exceeds my strength. It is those who are already perfected Christians that ascend this cross. They even know this, and would be able to speak about it clearly, fully, and with power. How could others speak that way? It’s impossible not to mention this, so that one of you, who has overcome one or another of the passions and has calmed down a little inwardly from the anxiety caused by it, might not think that he’s already done what he ought to do, or what is expected from a Christian.
No, even in this case not everything has been done yet. Even he who has completely purified himself from the passions has not yet accomplished the main Christian activity, but has only prepared himself for it. If you have purified yourself from the passions, now offer your- self up as a pure and unsullied sacrifice to God—one that is befitting to Him Who is Most Pure. Look at Golgotha. The cross of the wise thief is the cross of purification from the passions, while the Cross of the Lord is a cross of pure and unspotted sacrifice. And it is this one that is the fruit of devotion to the will of God—unquestioning, total, and irrevocable. What raised our Savior up onto the Cross? This devo- tion. In the Garden of Gethsemane, our Lord Jesus Christ prayed that the cup might pass from Him, but He expressed His resolute decision about it this way: Nevertheless not as I will, but as Thou wilt (Matt. 26:39). At His words I am He (John 18:5–8), those who had come to bind Him fell to the ground. But then they bound Him. Why? Be- cause He had first bound Himself by His devotion to the will of God. Under the Cross, all creation trembled and the dead received life, but He remained on the Cross, for He had given up His spirit to God.”
“Seeing this, brethren, let us stand at Golgotha by the crosses, and let us begin to compare ourselves to those who bore them and them to us, to see which one applies to us. Simon of Cyrene, who bore Christ’s Cross (cf. Matt. 27:32), is an image of those cross-bearers who are subjected to outward sorrows and dep-rivations. As to those who represent the cruci- fied wise thief and those who represent the Lord on the Cross, I have just told you above: the former depicts those who are fighting against the passions and the latter depict perfect men, crucified in devotion to God. And whom does the cross of the bad thief depict? It depicts those who serve the passions. The passions torture them, torment them, crucify them to death, without giving them any comfort or good hope. Using these images, compare your crosses to these crosses and accordingly determine who you are—Simon of Cyrene; the wise thief; an imitator of Christ the Lord; or the bad thief, consumed by the passions.
Whoever you find yourself to be, expect a corresponding end. I will only add this: throw out of your head the idea that you can, through a comfortable life, become what you must be in Christ. If true Christians do have pleasures, they’re absolutely incidental. The most distinguish- ing characteristics of their existence are sufferings and sicknesses—in- ward and outward, voluntary and involuntary. We must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom (Acts 14:22), and into that which is within it. The first step here is the immediate change of your will from bad to good, which consists in a heart of repentance. This is reflect- ed in a deadly pain from the wound of contrition, from which blood flows like sweat during the whole course of the battle against the passions, and which only closes after the attainment of purity, which leads the Christian up onto the cross of crucifixion together with Christ in doing the will of God. Everything is sorrows, sicknesses, and burdens. One can say it this way: the state of consolation is evidence of a cir-cu- itous path, while the state of tribulation is evidence of the right path.”
Pondering this, rejoice, cross-bearers! And what about you, who are comforted? Listen to the words of Abraham to the rich man in the parable of the rich man and Lazarus (cf. Luke 16:19–26). Here you are comforted, while others suffer for the sake of Christ and His sacred law. But in the next world it will be the opposite: those who have walked the way of the Cross will be comforted, whereas those who were comforted will suffer. You’ll say: “So, evidently it’s forbid- den to make merry or allow yourself some kind of pleasure.” Well, do the main thing first, and later you can allow the other. For some, the only thing they do is this: today a ball, tomorrow the theater, then an outdoor party, light reading and conversation, and all sorts of amusements—passing from one pleasantry to another. But not a thought for the main thing, for how to attain the state which every Christian must have. What fruit can one expect from such a life? Is our inward relationship to God in Christ supposed to mature by itself, despite that outward disorder?! How is it supposed to mature? Can a candle burn in the wind? Does life increase from the ingestion of poison? No. If you want good for yourself, get rid of pleasures and enter on the path of the cross of repentance, burn up in the fire of self-crucifixion, be tempered in tears of heartfelt contrition—and you’ll become gold, or silver, or a precious stone, and in due time you’ll be taken by the Heavenly Householder as an adornment for His most bright and most peaceful mansions.” (Three Homilies of the Bearing of the Cross by Saint Theophan the Recluse in The Orthodox Word, No. 285, 2012)
Crucifying ourselves with Christ is a life-long process of marinating our grizzly selves in the readings of the lives of the saints, studying our bibles, praying without ceasing, loving everyone and coming to as many of the church services as we possibly can. And by the prayers of St. Theophan, may we find strength in Christ’s mercy as we become more illumined through our sweet surrender of our will and joy in our sorrows. This life is only temporary, get busy!
